In article <fjpmbd$e7u$1@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, Vicki Robinson says...
>
>In a previous article, Banty <Banty_member@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> said:
>
>>OK. But then, that much more puzzling as to why it's an inappropriate
gift.
>>Wouldn't this be obvious as to what to do with the gift card? You're
saying
>>you think it should be, um, speshul-er than clothing? Clothing is a
perfectly
>>OK gift. He can trade it for cash with someone if he wants, too.
>
>My ex gives our kids clothing, also. The difference is that he takes
them
>shopping; it's a day out with Dad, doing something specifically for the
girls.
>
>Yeah, I think the point about speshul-er gifts is reasonable.
Well, there's a couple of aspects of this that bother me. One is this
idea that
gifts are supposed to dovetail with regular spending to better use the
resources. They're *not*. Or at least not supposed to be. I know Xmas
expectations get so high a lot of families end up doing that (including
mine,
bigger aquisitions are done as Christmas presents often), but it's really
not a
good direction, certainly not a great thing to try and enforce. If she
needs
to financially, she can react by ****fting her spending a bit - providing
something more 'special' *instead* of the clothes.
But the main thing, still, is the problem of wanting to extend influence
over
what someone *else* is giving. Especially an ex. However good their
relation****p is, they've moved on; they're not married anymore. Things
change.
This is one of them. It's intruding into a whole 'nother relation****p.
I understand about the connection with his son, but maybe gifts isn't the
ex's
thing anyway (else the stb wife wouldn't be doing it) - she should look
for
encouraging keeping that connection in other ways. Especially as a 17
year old
should be getting around on his own. He's not a little kid waiting for
presents
and phone calls from the NC parent anymore. If it's all about time (men
shopping together is quality time - for some, not for a lot!), that time
is
easier to arrange now than ever.
Banty
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