My DS, a high school senior, has become pretty awful to live with.
Outside of home, people think he's this wonderful, responsible kid. At
home, he thinks he should get whatever he wants without having to
contribute.
I've been divorced since 1995 and get along well with my ex. Though
prior to this year, DS went back and forth between our houses, this
year he chose to stay with me and see his dad weekly. Recently he got
tired of my insisting he get his schoolwork done (how evil of me!) and
wanted to live with his dad (and dad's fiancee and her 2 kids). He
mostly won't even talk to me.
The fiancee and I get along wonderfully. Apparently he is being at
least as unpleasant over there. My ex is somewhat of a wimp and
doesn't impose consequences and seems to believe that DS should mostly
get what he wants. The fiancee and I have very similar parenting
styles so now DS is causing problems between my ex and his fiancee.
Because they're currently in an apartment, they don't really have room
for DS so my ex brings him back to my house to sleep and DS leaves in
the morning without talking to me, if he can.
At the moment, plans call for him to be away for about 5 weeks this
summer, in the middle. We really don't want him lying around for the
month beforehand and the month after yet I don't think one can get a
summer job knowing they'll leave for a month in the middle. Anyone got
any suggestions?
What does it take for a selfish, inconsiderate, teenager to GROW UP
besides just time? I didn't think I raised him this way, he's always
had chores to do at my house - nothing new there - and I don't give
him money for every little thing he wants so what happened to him?
He seems to believe that "I want it" is a good enough reason for him
to be given whatever he wants. He does not have a car nor will we buy
him one, but he seems to think he should have the use of one whenever
he would like.
He recently started seeing a therapist for various reasons (I didn't
discuss everything going on with him or this would be too long).
Presumably he isn't showing the selfish side to the therapist. As he's
18, the therapist can't talk to us, his parents, but I'll probably
call before his next appointment and leave a message for the therapist
about my perspective of what's going on and I think SM2B will too.
Suggestions anyone? For the selfishness or for a summer activity?
-- Zip
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