Tales of the Intermezzo - Consumer Protection
A Transformers Universe Story
copyright 2008 by Dave Van Domelen
based on properties owned by Hasbro
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"intermezzo - n. A brief entertainment between two acts of a play."
- American Heritage Dictionary
The bailiff pounded the spiked butt of its largely-ceremonial halberd
on
the well-polished and intricately inlaid metal plating of the courtroom
floor. "This court will come to session," it bellowed, a voice devoid of
sophistication or elegance but eminently suited to the few tasks to which
it
was put. "The honorable Judge Curiatus will now hear arguments in the
case
of Kartaxion Five against the Oxamazor Manufacturing Collective."
A serene five-faced judge drifted into the courtroom, his most
beatific
countenance beaming down upon those assembled before him, the movement of
his
tentacles stately and reserved. Most of those in the Quintesson court
were
what one might term "interested bystanders," not directly involved in the
case at hand, but keenly concerned with the outcome. Fortunes hinged on
what
Curiatus might decide.
"Is the prosecution present?" Curiatus asked, keeping to the already
ancient forms of the court. Any fool could see that the prosecution was
present, but without form, Quintessa would descend into chaos and madness.
"Your honor, the prosecution is present," Norrik the Elder nodded,
his
single face pinched with advancing years. Some felt he had gone senile,
taking on a hopeless case out of some quaint notion of ethics, but those
who
carefully watched Quintessa's legal system suspected the old prosecutor
wasn't as much a fool as people said.
"And the defense?" Curiatus continued the ritual.
Oxamazor nodded. "Er, yes, the defense is present," he amended after
realizing a simple nod didn't meet the demands of protocol. The scientist
was, as normal for civil cases, representing himself and his manufacturing
concern. Rarely did defendants who merely risked money and prestige
secure
the services of one of the rare prosecutors who felt the pull to switch to
the other side of the courtroom.
Curiatus smiled, then rotated his more suspicious visage into view.
"Be
aware that I have reviewed all of the pertinent data and have formed a
preliminary opinion on the matter before this court. The prosecution is
now
invited to plead their case, should they feel that there is anything in
the
facts that bears emphasis or a clearer context."
Norrik respectfully dipped on his energy column. "Yes, your honor.
The
prosecution believes that two specific instances stand as exemplars of the
defendant's failure to provide value to their customers on the world of
Kartaxion Five. One from the military line, one from the consumer line."
"Please proceed with your presentation," Curiatus gestured with one
tentacle, maintaining his dubious expression.
* * * *
"Commander Zylik, something's wrong with the roadway up ahead in the
pass," the sensors operator said.
"Column halt," Zylik ordered. "You think it's mines?" The rebel
forces
up in the Southron Range had been relying heavily on mines lately, ever
since
the government forces had purchased weapons from the offworld Quintessons.
While the mines didn't do much to the amazing military machines the aliens
provided, the Kartaxian government could only afford so many
"Cybertronian"
units, and most of the troops had to travel in vehicles of native
manufacture.
THOSE vehicles the mines could certainly damage. And without
government
forces to direct the Cybertronians, they were noticeably less effective.
"Unit BR-4L, move ahead of the column," Zylik ordered his
Cybertronian
asset. His unit only had the one, on the grounds that its sheer firepower
was more than enough to destroy the Southron rebels. Given the choice
between a full combat unit and a Command and Control unit in which he and
his
command staff could travel, he'd finally picked BR-4L over ON-5L. Now he
was
starting to regret the decision.
The Cybertronian obeyed the order to advance, of course. Zylik
wasn't
sure if it was too stupid to fear death, too arrogant to fear anything the
rebels could throw at it, or just so blindly obedient that it would have
advanced into the gaping maw of Garael's Five Pits if Zylik so commanded.
In
the end, of course, it didn't matter, so long as it *did* obey.
BR-4L rumbled forward, and a few desultory explosions under its
treads
marked where there had indeed been mines. The Cybertronian was wide
enough
to clear the entire pass for the rest of the column, so Zylik ordered the
unit to form up and follow.
And that's when the real trap was sprung, detonating the sides of the
pass and burying the armored column under tons of rock.
* * * *
Norrik gestured at the reconstructed record that had just finished
playing. "Had the Kartaxian commander been safely inside the BR-4L unit
purchased from Oxamazor Manufacturing, he would have been able to direct
battle more effectively once the rebels emerged from hiding, and what in
reality was a significant embarrassment for Oxamazor's customers would
have
instead been a qualified military success."
"Your honor," Oxamazor started to protest.
Curiatus allowed his wrathful face to swing into position. "The
defendant will be given his chance once the prosecution has rested.
Disturb
the procedure of the court at your peril!"
"I-I beg the court's forgiveness," Oxamazor quivered.
"I believe the prosecution had a second instance to present?"
Curiatus
returned his expression to one of pondering.
"Yes, your honor. This one involves the non-military hardware
provided
by Oxamazor Manufacturing...."
* * * *
Excavation unit TW-157 thought he'd heard something, so stopped the
relentless boring of his twin drills.
"...radio's out again!" the small, fleshy foreman was shouting.
TW-157
didn't really like the fleshy beings he worked for. He preferred the rock
face that he worked ON. It wasn't as annoying, even when he hit the
occasional vein of duranite that made his drills twinge. "I said, your
radio's out again!"
"So?" TW-157 replied. "I got bored of listenin'." If he'd been in
his
primary mode, he would have shrugged, but he had to settle for twitching
his
drills.
"SO???" the fleshy turned an interesting shade of purple-gray, a
marked
contrast to the normal blue-green hue of Kartaxian skin. "You've been
drilling in the wrong direction for the past five millicycles! You're
this
close," it held up its arms a ludicrously short distance apart, "to
bringing
the whole mine down in a pit of death!"
"A little melodramatical, aintcha?" TW-157 asked, but reactivated his
radio and skimmed the information being sent to him. "Oops. Mebbe not.
Um,
you might wanna start runnin' now, even backin' up might bring down the
ceilin' once I start movin'."
* * * *
"In point of fact, unit TW-157 did in fact bring down part of the
mine,
although thankfully there was no loss of life and the excavator unit was
able
to extract itself with minimal damage. But the financial damage was
significant. If an overseer had been able to safely remain with the unit
at
all times, the disaster might have been averted," Norrik concluded.
"Thank you, honorable prosecutor," Curiatus nodded, his face dipping
within his head. "Has the prosecution finished its plea?"
"The prosecution rests, your honor," Norrik replied.
"The defense may now plead extenuating cir***stances," Curiatus
addressed the nervous scientist. Not that it was likely to do any good,
he
thought to himself.
"I plead adherence to contract," Oxamazor said, barely keeping his
voice
even. "Both private and public concerns on Kartaxion were presented with
full catalogs of options. They made the decision that crew compartments
were
an unnecessary expense in the case of both the BR-4L and TW-157 units, as
well as the numerous other cases listed in the complaint. Now they seek
to
make my company pay for their own short-sightedness. We only sought to
meet
our clients' needs, it's not our fault that our clients were unable to
divine
their own needs correctly.
"The court will also note that in the majority of complaints,
including
the two cases the prosecution chose to highlight, the actual products
emerged
from disaster with only cosmetic damage. All losses were to native
machinery
and personnel, and as described in the data we submitted, can be traced to
user error. The contracts signed by the Kartaxians indemnify Oxamazor
Manufacturing against any loss caused by user error, which is why they
have
tried to falsely ****tray these events as being manufacturing flaws. The,
ah,
the defense rests, your honor."
"Very well," Curiatus replied, satisfied that the scientist had
managed
to remember the forms at the end, at least. His face spun to reveal the
one
he liked to think connoted wisdom, although some of his colleagues thought
it
merely looked bitter. "I have reached a judgement based on the facts of
the
case. My judgement is final, and is to be considered precedent for future
disputations," he cast his gaze out over the spectators in the court.
"In the case of Kartaxion Five's contracts, I agree that the letter
of
the law is on the side of Oxamazor Manufacturing," Curiatus ruled.
"However,
it is also clear that Oxamazor engaged in dubious bargaining tactics when
winning the bid, deliberately leading the Kartaxians to believe that they
didn't need 'expensive options' in many cases where it's clear those
options
would have been useful or even vital. I find Oxamazor Manufacturing
liable
for thirteen-point-seven-two percent of the claimed damages. This will be
reduced to seven-point-seven-eight percent if Oxamazor will agree to make
crew compartments suitable for the client species standard in all models,
rather than an optional extra.
"While it may not always be obvious in advance how this feature might
be
necessary, the venerable Norrik has compiled more than sufficient evidence
to
sup****t the assertion that the feature is vital precisely for those cases
that are not obvious. At the least, being able to safely carry members of
the client species within one of our ex****t products more fully
establishes
legal liability for any incidents as belonging to the buyer, not the
seller."
He paused to let this point sink in. He could almost hear the minds
of
the other scientists in the audience calculating the cost-benefit ratios
that
this would involve. Curiatus had just established that an indemnification
contract would not be enough, and that a relatively simple engineering
change
could add a vital layer of legal protection.
Still, no harm in emphasis. Curiatus let his most intimidating face
come to the fore, with its pale eyes and great fangs. "In short, if
Oxamazor
had not tried to cut corners by removing the ability of the client to
place
direct overseers in all Cybertronian units, he would not even be liable
for
seven-point-seven-eight percent of these rather hefty losses. Forward
thinking is always less costly than hindsight. This case is now closed."
The baliff slammed the butt of its halberd once more, and it didn't
seem
quite so ceremonial anymore, at least to Oxamazor....
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Author's Notes:
This was written for an AllSpark Fanfic Challenge, with trials as the
theme. It was also inspired by some alt.toys.transformers discussion on
the
matter of why there would be cockpits in pre-Earth Autobots and
Decepticons.
:) Obviously, this particular explanation only works for continuities
where
Quintessons either built or found and modified Cybertronians.
"Oxamazor" is a mangling of "Occam's Razor," the dictum that one
shouldn't have more complications than absolutely necessary. "Curiatus"
comes from Latin "curia" or "court". He's meant to be a sane pre-Unicron
judge, although you can see in his personality some of the roots of later
Quintesson insanity. Norrik doesn't mean anything in particular, I was
just
working from the pattern seen in some of the canonical prosecutor names.
BR-4L and TW-157 should be fairly obvious.
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