Re: Using Ferber method in everyday life

no.email@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
 wrote:
>
> Due to a family crisis - I can no longer lavish my baby with as much
> time and attention as he is accustomed.

I'm not sure what you mean by this, and of course you're under no
obligation
to share the details.
But is this family crisis making it impossible for you to hold the child?
Clearly you're physically in his presence, from what you've said. I'm not
sure why you can't just put him in a sling or front carrier.

I know it can be hard to feel like a positive force in your infant's life.
My husband died the day our son turned six months old. It was a hard time
for both my son and me. But leaving him alone to cry wouldn't have helped
-
in fact, it would have done the opposite. In the midst of the upheaval of
our life, while picking up on my stress, he needed MORE comfort and
closeness. Denying him that would have taught him nothing but that his
mother wasn't available for him. Even if I couldn't be all cheerful and
fun,
I could at least put him in his carrier so he could by physically close to
me.

>
> He is almost 5 months old and on some occassions,  as soon as I put
> him down, and he sees me walk away (still within his vision at all
> times) he crys.  If I don't pick him up, the cry turns into the an
> ear-piercing, red-faced, scream that wont stop until I hold him.  I
> can be right in front of him touching him and he won't stop crying.
> It's so loud and distressing I wonder what my neighbors must be
> thinking!

Then pick him up! He's a BABY. Babies don't get spoiled and they aren't
manipulating you. They're communicating their needs in the only way they
know how. How can it possibly be good for him to have his needs ignored?

>
>  I have a baby carrier, but I it isn't always
> practical, especially if I'm cooking.
>

That's where you work around it. Make a sandwich. Order a pizza. Get a
backpack carrier as soon as his head control is good enough. Call a
neighbor
or friend to come over and help.

>
> If I continue to pick my baby up,  and not teach him how to 'cry it
> out'  & comfort himself during the day - am I setting myself up later
> for a lot of problems, IE:  clingy child with social problems?

No, you're setting yourself up for a child who has a strong base of
emotional sup****t and doesn't fear to venture away from his mother because
he has no doubt that she will be there when he needs her.

Even if there were any value to crying it out - which I doubt - he's too
young for it anyway. He doesn't even have a sense of object permanance
yet.
And long crying spells are NOT good for babies. Their blood oxygen levels
drop.


> If I
> somehow find it in my heart to let him cry for longer duratons, can
> that make him distrust me?

Yes. Of course. Think of it this way. He needs you. You ignore him. Would
*you* trust a person who did that to you?


--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."