Re: Using Ferber method in everyday life

Listen: Do not beat yourself up about the fact that you cannot
*always* hold your baby, or otherwise make him happy, when he wants
you to. That is life and always has been for babies everywhere. Very
few women in the history of the world have had the kinds of luxurious
lives that enabled them to devote all their time to keeping their baby
happy.

HOWEVER, Ferber himself, I have no doubt, would tell you to hold your
baby when he needs you to, if you are able to. Any other course of
action results in misery all around. A 5-month-old is not going to
"learn" to do without being held; they are programmed to want to be
held, and they will shriek for it and be miserable without it. It is
only right to give them what they are simply programmed to want/need;
it doesn't make you a wimp! Do make every reasonable effort to arrange
your life so that the baby can be held as much as it takes to keep him
pretty happy. That's all you can do. . .

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing a family crisis. Perhaps if
you give us some details about how that is getting in the way of your
babycare, we could give you some ideas for keeping the baby happy even
while you cope with the crisis. (E.g., is someone ill and you need to
be visiting at a hospital a lot? Is the baby's dad suddenly not there
anymore and so you are having to cope all alone? Have you recently had
to take on work that prevents you from responding to the baby like you
used to?) Even without crises in our lives, many of us are very busy,
with older babies and other kids and other jobs to take care of in
addition to our infants, and many of us have found ways to cope that
we could share with you.

Do use your baby carrier to get things done while holding the baby
whenever that is practical? Do you have any other ways to keep him
happy even when he cannot be held? A bouncy seat? A vibrating seat? A
swing? A gymini? My youngest is 10 months old now (and still likes to
be held a lot, but she can have so much fun on the floor at my feet
now), but when she was younger, during times when I couldn't hold her,
I used to kind of transfer her from one fun spot to another, with
"holding sessions" in between. And thank god for naps.